Section VI
The weight of words
What We Say to Our Children Matters
Words are powerful. They can build or destroy, heal or wound, fill with confidence or plant seeds of doubt.
And when they come from a parent, they carry even more weight.
Children don’t just hear what we say. They feel it.
And often, the words we speak to them become the voice they will use to speak to themselves as they grow.
That’s why it’s so important to ask ourselves:
What messages are we leaving in their hearts with our words?
Words Can Leave a Lasting Mark on a Child
If we close our eyes and think back to our childhood, we can probably recall certain phrases that stayed with us. Some gave us strength and made us feel loved, while others—perhaps said without bad intentions—hurt us in ways we still carry today.
A simple “I’m proud of you” can give a child the security that they are valuable just as they are.
A “You never do anything right” can make them doubt themselves at every step, even as an adult.
Words have the power to stay in a child’s heart for a lifetime.
Phrases That Can Hurt Without Us Realizing
Many times, adults say things without intending to cause harm, but children interpret them differently. Here are some examples of phrases that can have a negative impact:
❌ “You’re so lazy.” → The child doesn’t learn discipline; they just feel they are not enough.
❌ “You always mess everything up.” → They start believing there’s no point in trying.
❌ “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.” → They learn that their emotions don’t matter.
❌ “Look at your sibling—why can’t you be like them?” → They begin to compare themselves and doubt their own worth.
The words we repeat over and over can become beliefs in a child’s mind. And those beliefs shape the way they see themselves and the world.
How to Express Ourselves More Consciously
Speaking with love does not mean avoiding limits or correction. It means doing it in a way that builds instead of destroys.
Here are some ways we can change our words to strengthen a child’s self-esteem:
❌ “You always make a mess.”
✅ “I know you can do better—let’s try again together.”
❌ “If you keep acting like this, no one will like you.”
✅ “Respect is important. How can we work on this together?”
❌ “Stop crying, it’s nothing.”
✅ “I see that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
Even small changes in the way we express ourselves can make a huge difference.
When children grow up feeling understood, loved, and valued, they carry that security with them for the rest of their lives.
Our Words Become Their Inner Voice
Children learn to talk to themselves using the same words they heard from their parents.
If we speak to them with love, they will learn to love themselves.
If we speak to them with confidence, they will grow up feeling capable of achieving anything.
If we speak to them with respect, they will learn to respect themselves and others.
So before we speak, let’s pause. Because every word we say today may become the voice our children will hear inside their own minds for the rest of their lives.
And if we are going to leave them with an inner voice, let it be one that makes them feel loved, valued, and capable of anything.
"The words we repeat to our children become their inner voice. What we tell them today will be what they tell themselves tomorrow."
Self-reflection questions:
What positive phrases do I want my children to remember from me when they grow up?
What are the words I use the most when correcting them or feeling frustrated?
If I could change one way I speak to them to strengthen their self-esteem, what would it be?