Section V
Love or Fear
Raising from Love Instead of Fear
Being a parent is one of the most transformative experiences in life. From the moment a child enters the world, a great responsibility is born: to guide them, protect them, and give them the tools they need to grow.
But too often, that protection comes from fear.
Fear that they will suffer.
Fear that they will fail.
Fear that we won’t be enough as parents.
Without realizing it, this fear becomes the foundation of our parenting. And when we raise our children from fear, we teach them to live in insecurity, guilt, or the constant need for approval.
So, how can we raise from love instead of fear?
What Parenting from Fear Looks Like
Parenting from fear can take many forms—some so subtle that we don’t even notice them:
Overprotection: Not allowing children to face difficulties because we fear they will suffer.
Example: Not letting a child try something new because they might get frustrated or fail.
Excessive control: Trying to decide every aspect of their lives to prevent mistakes.
Example: Choosing their activities, their friends, or even their emotions for them.
Using fear as a tool: Disciplining through threats, guilt, or punishment.
Example: "If you don’t behave, no one will love you."
"If you don’t get good grades, you’ll never be successful in life."
When children grow up in an environment based on fear, they learn to doubt themselves, to fear mistakes, and to seek external validation rather than trusting their own judgment.
Raising from Love Creates Confident and Happy Children
Raising from love does not mean protecting children from difficulties. It also does not mean being permissive or avoiding boundaries.
Raising from love is about guiding rather than controlling. It’s about allowing children to make mistakes, to learn, and to develop self-confidence.
When a child is raised from love:
They learn to trust themselves.
Instead of saying: "Don’t do that, you’ll fail."
We can say: "Try it—I’m here to support you."
They develop resilience.
Instead of avoiding challenges, we accompany them through the process.
We can say: "Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but there’s always something to learn."
They feel loved for who they are, not for what they achieve.
Instead of conditioning love to their performance ("If you get good grades, I’ll love you more"), we show unconditional love.
We can say: "I love you just as you are, no matter your successes or mistakes."
Changing the Way We Communicate with Our Children
The words we use have a deep impact on children. Sometimes, even the smallest change in how we express ourselves can completely transform the message they receive.
Here are some examples of how we can replace fear with love in our words:
❌ "Don’t cry, you’re too big for that."
✅ "It’s okay to feel sad, I’m here with you."
❌ "If you fall, I told you so."
✅ "If you fall, I’ll help you get back up."
❌ "Don’t do that, you’re going to mess up."
✅ "Give it a try, and if you need help, I’m here."
When children grow up in an environment where their emotions are validated and where they can explore the world without fear of failure, they become more confident, resilient, and happy adults.
To Love Is to Trust
Raising from love does not mean shielding children from difficulties. It means standing beside them as they face them. It means giving them the security of knowing that love is not conditional—that it does not depend on their success or behavior, but on who they are.
Because at the end of the day, what children need most is not absolute protection, but parents who trust them, who walk alongside them with love, and who teach them that the world is not a place to fear, but a place to explore with confidence.
Raising from love is letting go of control and opening our arms.
It is trusting.
It is being present.
It is loving, without fear.
"Cuando criamos desde el amor, damos raíces seguras y alas para volar. Cuando criamos desde el miedo, enseñamos a nuestros hijos a dudar de sí mismos."
Self-reflection questions:
¿Qué miedos influyen en mi forma de criar? ¿El miedo a que sufran, a que fracasen, a que no sean lo que espero?
¿Cómo puedo cambiar el “cuidado con…” por un “confío en ti, estoy aquí para apoyarte”?
¿Estoy transmitiendo seguridad y confianza o transmito mis propias inseguridades?