Section III
Emotions
From an early age, we are taught to classify our emotions as "good" or "bad."
We are told that happiness is positive, but that sadness is something to be avoided.
We learn that calmness is desirable, but that anger is dangerous.
Without realizing it, we grow up believing that some emotions make us strong, while others make us weak.
But what if all emotions have a purpose?
What if, instead of judging them, we learned to listen to them and then let them go?
A Story About Sadness and Anger
Six-year-old Santiago came home from school with a deep frown on his face. When his mother asked what was wrong, she noticed he was on the verge of tears.
"Nothing," he replied, crossing his arms.
His mother gently insisted, but Santiago just pressed his lips together, refusing to speak. Then she remembered something—whenever Santiago was sad, he showed anger first.
"If you're angry, that's okay," she told him. "You can be mad at me, at school, or at anything. I just want you to know that you can tell me how you feel."
Santiago stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then, in a barely audible voice, he said:
"Matías didn’t want to play with me today… he went with another kid."
Santiago’s anger was, in reality, sadness in disguise. When his mother gave him the space to feel and express his emotions—without telling him to "get over it" or that he "shouldn’t be mad", he found the confidence to share what was truly hurting him.
Emotions Appear, But We Are Not Our Emotions
•We feel anger.
•We feel sadness.
• We feel fear.
But we are not anger, we are not sadness, we are not fear.
Emotions are like clouds passing through the sky. They appear, surround us for a moment, but if we don’t hold onto them, they eventually fade away.
The problem is not feeling—it’s identifying too much with what we feel.
When a child says, "I am angry," and an adult responds, "It's okay to feel anger," the child learns that emotion is temporary—it does not define them.
But when we tell a child, "You are so moody," we are labeling them. And that label may stay with them for a long time.
Teaching children that they can feel their emotions without being trapped by them allows them to live with greater emotional balance.
Emotions come, we feel them, and then we let them go.
Every Emotion Has a Purpose
Emotions are messages. They are not good or bad—they simply inform us about what is happening inside us.
Fear protects us and keeps us alert.
Sadness helps us process loss and change.
Anger shows us when we feel something is unfair.
Joy tells us what we love and value.
When we teach our children to accept their emotions instead of repressing them, we give them a valuable tool for life: emotional intelligence.
Validating Emotions Strengthens Children
Many parents, with the best intentions, try to comfort their children by saying:
· "Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal."
· "Don’t be angry, it’ll pass."
· "Don’t be afraid, everything is fine."
But when we invalidate their emotions—even with love—the message they receive is that their feelings don’t matter, or worse, that it is wrong to feel certain things.
Instead, we can say:
• "I understand that you feel sad. Do you want to talk about it?"
• "It’s okay to be angry. Do you want to think together about what we can do?"
• "I know this scares you, but I’m here with you."
This teaches children that all emotions are valid and that they are never alone in facing them.
Parents Have Emotions Too—And That’s Okay
In our efforts to be strong for our children, we often forget that we feel too.
If a child never sees their parents’ express sadness, they will learn to hide their own.
If they never see their parents make mistakes and apologize, they will grow up believing that failure is unacceptable.
But when parents say:
· "I had a tough day, but seeing you makes me feel better."
· "I made a mistake, and I’m sorry."
· "I feel a little sad today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not okay."
Children learn that emotions do not define who we are—they are simply part of life.
Feeling Is Living
There are no good or bad emotions—only emotions that need to be understood.
When we allow our children to feel without fear, when we accompany them without judgment, and when we allow ourselves to feel as well, we raise emotionally strong and self-aware children.
Because at the end of the day, we don’t want children who never get angry or never feel sad.
We want children who know what to do with what they feel, who allow themselves to experience every emotion, and who never fear being who they truly are.
"Emotions are visitors, not our identity. We can feel anger, sadness, or fear, but we are not anger, sadness, or fear. We must welcome them but also let them go."
Self-reflection questions:
How do I react when my child expresses strong emotions like anger or sadness?
Do I allow them to feel without judgment, or do I try to make them “get over it” quickly?
Which emotions are hardest for me to accept in myself and in my children?